I realise I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to fill up others, while my own well was empty, no wonder I’ve had chronic pain and health problems, I have been running on empty for so long, my body kept trying to tell me to stop and I kept pushing on and pushing on…it’s painful to think about. I had become so lost in my life (in others lives mainly) that I couldn’t even answer what my YES was for a good part of this course, so my YES became about finding my YES!! Of course, I had many many YES’s there but I was too afraid to want them or to allow them or even to say them out loud, I felt stupid and selfish.
I kept waiting for others to tell me what I want, what I deserve, to tell me who I am or to give me what I need. Like a lot of women I wanted to be liked and desired because then I would somehow be taken care of.….NOT ANYMORE!!! Now I am getting to know my own desires and to let them fuel me and my lust for life. From what I want to eat to what I like to wear, who I enjoy hanging around, where I want to be, what I want to listen to, see, feel, create.
In five months, I’ve gone from spending most days laying alone in bed with chronic pain to being up and about, travelling, walking up mountains, dancing, singing, drawing, painting, laughing, making new friends and dreaming new dreams (and re-igniting some old ones).
I’ve spent the last 2 months finding laughter, friends, fun (and myself) in Europe. I have done more painting and drawing in one month than I had managed in the last ten years! Oh and I lost 5 kilos without even trying (Bonus!!) and started singing again after many years.
I learnt to use my internal compass of YES or NO to direct me to my best life and it is becoming clearer and clearer.
I am setting boundaries and taking care of myself with love.
I am ready for my next YES…living in Venice for a year!!
I honestly don’t know where I would be if I had not have had the support, joy, encouragement, generosity and love of you, Carla, and the amazing tribe of women you called together over the past 5 months, I have tears of gratitude just thinking about it.
– Melissa F.